Hi there. That photo is from one of our many walks this past year. And I put it there to set the tone. I'm not going to revisit last year's list of intentions for a number of reasons. Let's just say things got a little bit away from me. My own cookbook project about the farmers' markets has been on the back burner because I needed to get my house in order. And because I did not have a whole lot of energy in 2013 to devote to that back burner.
Basically, awakening to my own mission and spiritual growth sort of took over almost everything in 2013, giving me more information about myself, illuminating my past and therefore my path. Last year was all about trust, starting right in January, when I lost the most valuable jewelry a married woman owns inside the gearshift of my car, and going all the way through, seeing what I saw, hearing what I heard, putting all of these messages together. We got it out, but little did I know it was setting the tone for the entire year's lesson: TRUST.
But here's what I'm thinking, for 2014. It's going to be a year of major shifts for many reasons; first of all, John and I are both hitting a milestone birthday in March.
1. Let's just say that I'm still planning on getting that farmers' market cookbook out there. The motivation has ebbed and flowed in the past year. The definition of the project itself is up in the air; so is the idea of self-publishing vs. someone else legit doing it for me. I am going to investigate all options. But the one thing I learned? If you want something done, you have to do it yourself.
2. And that I would like to receive at least a level 1 Reiki attunement.
3. And that I would like to go through yoga teacher training in the fall.
4. And I would like to go to the IACP conference in March (That's International Association of Culinary Professionals). Check! Christmas present! (Thank you!) I think that's the biggest thing. I'm trying not to have high expectations and just take it all in, but people network like crazy at this thing and I need to plan now for what I'm doing there because it's a big scene. Mostly, I feel like every time I turn around I'm going to stumble into someone I deeply admire and turn into a puddle of geeky-fan-girl-goo who can't. stop. talking or totally clams up. Intimidating and exciting at the same time.
5. I'm going to figure out a way to update and merge all my sites (I'm using an embarrassingly old version of WordPress) and make peace, one way or another, with the whole blogging thing. I wish I were better at it. I came up with a great concept that merges my love of cooking real food that sustains you with my love of yoga and all the enormous door that opened to the universe. I am thinking it's supposed to be a website/brand, and this would require $$ to hire a web designer, create a whole site, and do something: one of those somethings is blogging, something I'm itinerant about, at best. It seems like the way people get cookbooks anymore; if you don't have a blog, you don't one of your legs of your personal marketing platform. (I have a good Twitter and FB platform, though. Does that count?)
But maybe it's not supposed to be a brand. Maybe it's supposed to be a company name. I don't know. I assume I knew, when I came up with it, but we are not totally in control of our ideas here, people. Let's just face it.
6. There may be another cookbook project on the horizon. That one hasn't been discussed in a while, and it's not for public consumption just yet. It is still an idea.
All of these things require enormous pushes—really, it feels like moving boulders—to get past personal hurdles and the recurring narrative of negativity that we all have on some level. Mine has been taking up too much real estate lately and is far too loud. (Also, I realize that I may have inherited these behaviors; have you read about epigenetics?) Two smart yoginis I admire greatly recently put it this way: "My inner party pooper gets way too loud sometimes," (amen, Alicia!) and "I decided to rewrite my narrative," (I'm trying, right there with you, Susan!) I am paraphrasing them, and I'm sure I didn't get it 100 percent right, but you get the idea. How do I balance my inner pusher, the one who wants to just keep going and doing and feels like what I'm doing is never good enough or just enough, period, with the inner critic who fears judgment and failure and says, "Are you crazy? You don't have enough time, money, resources, talent, blog posts, etc. to get this thing published! Why bother?"
I think I have to silence them both and boot them, for good. How? That's a day to day thing. Some days are easier than others. Today is not one of them.
So you see, my list is short this year, shorter than last year. But it's full of Really. Big. Things.